A Story For New Years Bra@!

So I came home from SD earlier and my roommate was bumpin some dirty south/swamp rock with slide guitar... blah blah, anyway, there's a fairly rough broad here with fairly rough tats and he's cookin up a storm, drinking red wine (basically the works). So then she left all abruptly and I was topless doin laundry. So he comes back and tells me the following: (in less than a hundred words bra)
Him: Yo
Me: Whatup
Him: Dude, did you see that girl that was just here?
---(AS IF I MISSD HER OR SUMTHIN)--
Me: Yeah, why whatsup?
Him: Dude, cuz she just threw up on my dick.
Me: No way!!!!! :) :)
Him: Yeah man, she was deepthroating like a champ and then she just threw up all over my dick.
Me: Weren't you guys drinking like.. red wine and shit?

Him: Yeah, and some noodles I cooked up.
Me: Ew, No fucking way thats sick.
Him: Yeah man, I'm cleaning up my floor right now. What are you doing for new years?
Me: I don't know I'm still trying to figure it out.

The moral of the story is:: what the fuck is the plan for tonight??